and the beat goes on...

it's always much easier in words than in practice to get up and leave again. now that i am here, and 'summer' has begun, it's tough to head out into the wild blue yonder. i feel at this odd point in life where i want to be closer to some than i am, but the connections just aren't always steady. i want to have better control of what's going on, or something, who knows, but perhaps you can somewhat sympathize if you have any idea of what i'm going for.

i'll be headed up to ithaca tomorrow (later today), and dammit, i'm gonna cry again. i've left tears in so many places, and yet i barely even cry. i dunno man, here's hoping that a week from now, life will be patting me on the back for this one.

ps "toothpaste" has been majorly sucking lately. way to not help me out, drew.

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are

fucking hormones. they eat more emotions than sally struthers.

closing time

alright, so it's back up to ithaca either tomorrow (today) or monday.

thoughts:

1- i survived playing mom, but the brother says i made too much chicken. hooray for no cows!

2- grandma asked me about my having a bf. no grandma, actually, i suck at boys. i keep them at a safe distance with my intimidation, and choose to like either those who are gay or attached. it's awesommme.

3- packing always sucks, but i'm looking forward to decorating yet another new room.

4- i'm not sure if i've ever been so clueless about what lies ahead.

oof

today, in short

a mixed bag indeed.

+ got to go to the drive in before i leave
- last time i'll get to hang out with meghan, smarcus & rach before i leave

+ found out i got a bigger scholarship than last year
- i'll still need a bajillion dollars in loans

+ my camera came back to me & was actually repaired this time
- my bike is busted

+ found some jobs i could apply for online
- i still have no idea how the hell i'm swinging this

+ discovered pictures from dc on my camera that i didn't remember even taking
- made me remembered that i could have still been there if i had gotten that scholarship earlier


i feel like that was a poor little rich girl's rant, only i'm not rich. don't get me wrong, i'm thankful for everything and everyone that i have... but ay, i'm far from stress free. my parents are out in the middle of the ocean and i don't know when i'll be setting my feet in ithaca. let's also acknowledge that i'm blogging at 4:30AM.

oh well, at least i'm not michael jackson, eh?


you're damn right i'm not.

sooo... this just in

the world apparently hates me.

so alright, i realize that i lack the funds to acquire an automobile. this is unfortunate, i reasoned with myself, but alas, i'll have my trusty bike to guide me!

trusty bike no more.

a rusted chain, non working brakes and 2 dead tires are what i found in the basement today. sons of bitches. how the hell did this happen when it wasn't even out facing the elements?

alright, i thought to myself (after slamming a few doors and cursing a smidge) i'll just find the brother's old bike. out on the deck, there it lie, cover and all... oh but the cover was sitting NEXT to it. ???!! cuz this makes sense.

once again, sons of bitches. the moral of the story is, bikes can decieve you. and also, if you feel like making a donation of an automobile or bike that actually works, by all means, feel free.

gahhhhhhhhhhhh

let's get lame

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

like, omg, precious right??

can i ask a question?

why is it that this guy is attractive?

he looks like absolute trailer trash.

but then again, the same applies to brett michaels (of poison), i suppose.

sigh. behold! the skankiest hot you'll ever know.

lacto-ovo-pollo-pescetarian

what do ya think? pretentious enough yet? ohhh yes

thank you, reputable media sources!

another reason to shake your head:

Hussein Photos in Tabloids Prompt U.S. Call to Investigate

way to be picture happy, america. apparently, we like screwing ourselves.

while i'll agree that it's sad that more ppl seem to be reacting to this than the atrocities committed by the man himself, this is still not a time for gloating, and how else are these sort of images to come across?

aiesh

but the TAB button's not working!

dear online application for tops,

thank you for freezing after i spent over a half hour answering questions about whether or not i'd ever thought about burglarizing my work. i didn't want a job anyway. my real passion is simply filling out forms at 3AM.

seriously,
dana

a few random mentions

1- i took this quiz many moons ago, but it doesn't hurt to offer up a reminder, or even to verify the results, for that matter. ooh la la ;)


You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


2- this is a sexy balding man. ATTN guys: they do exist.
although i must warn, i did find some crazy rock out with your cock out photos of him on a google image search. but anyway, yeah, it's the dude from law & order SVU- christopher meloni


3- behold! the most unrock "rock song" i've heard in quite some time.
*clears throat*

audioslave- be yourself.

you can be fading out
and pulled apart
or been in love
every single memory of
could have been faces of love
don't lose any sleep tonight
i'm sure everything will end up alright
you may win love

but to be yourself is all that you can do
to be yourself is all that you can do

good godddd
1-2-3...BARF!


class dismissed.

well then

i think you're the only one of my friends i would miniaturize -laura
this girl = one hot commodity alright

ay, so i don't know what i'm doing with myself. i feel like i should have something to show for all the 'free time' i've had but ehh, not so much. i really suck at this.

i made a graduation present for cortney. i don't know when i'll be seeing her. but dammit, that's something.

oh wait, this quiz. now THAT'S something i can show that i did alright:


You are an Exotic Dancer. You are the sexy lady in
the group, you love to play with people's
minds, you never show your true intents to
anyone, you like to have a lot of friends so
you don't get bored and this goes the same with
men, you don't like the strict guy who gives
you orders like he owns you, nobody does, cuz
you were born free and nothing would change
that.


What kind of dancers are you? (Girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

*snap snap*

ps yesterday was national seamonkey day- ya heard it here first, kids

i'm really diggin' this

because i needed that

but, what would christina aguilera do?

okay, so every bloody job on campus is taken except for, ironically enough, a driving position with the health center. well hardy har har.

i at least found glee in the notion that the pool will be open once i get there. ay. if anything, i want to try and actually exercise this summer. i'm gonna get even HOTTER, dammit. oh that's right.

so yeah, my return to ithaca is fast approaching, and nothing really makes sense. surprise surprise.

so uh, how bout a quiz?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you complete. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

yeah, and speaking of boys- how about i suck at them.
...because you can never have enough reasons to be an insomniac...

"We had left the world of black and white...

...and now everything was gray."

okay, so it's a sex and the city quote, but it's applicable.

where have you gone, joe dimaggio?
a piece on why america needs to wake up and smell the economics.

driving myself crazy, scene 38

today i sent out emails to every office i could think of on campus to see if anyone is hiring. oof, not fun. i'm back to having too many unknowns in the upcoming equation.

yep.

i've also officially reclaimed my insomnia. this is exactly why i shouldn't be allowed so much time on my own.

on a less damning note, i tried sake for the first time last night. interesting. def better warm, but still, the warmth is surprising. i wouldn't go out of my way to attain it in mass or anything, but it's a-ok.

i'm sorry if my latest entries have been downers. here's a picture of a puppy.

gahhhhh

so i didn't get the job with graduate admissions. apparently, my qualifications are impressive, but i guess they're not impressive enough, eh?

i'd really like to have a car while i'm in ithaca, but it's hard to get one when i have no money in the meantime. sons of bitches, yet again.

i've been looking stuff up for jobs, for cars... planning planning planning... where are the rest of you folks who are staying in ithaca for the summer going to be working?



bahhhh debt foreverrrrr

the only apple in my gate

awh, my love...

celebrate mother's day...

with some hot ladies!! ow ow!!


You're Brigitte Bardot!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


ha, make it a good one, kiddies...

thanks for warping my mind, mr disney

dear 17 year old boys who attempted to woo me in song,

while i commend your efforts to strike my musical fancy, perhaps singing out your window on a busy highway is not the best way to win my affections. accidents happen kids, and i'd rather not be crushed metal's inspiration. please try again when you lose your retainers.

sincerely,
the brunette with the red head wrap


& later that day...


dear college aged boys who honked at me,

i thought i recognized you.

all the best,
the girl who has yet to be charmed

waeignew;orghit'waehtg'w!!

fucking A. so i get this email that's all like:

You are so damn awesome! We're going to give you money to stay in DC!

and i'm like wtf.

in english: a couple months back, i applied for a scholarship to stay in DC for the summer. now that i have made other plans, i found that i was selected to recieve it. i had to turn it down.

"sons of bitches."

granted, this would have even further complicated my decision making... but it's a kick in the face now, too.

are the backstreet boys seriously on the radio right now?

alright, i guess you could say that i'm "adjusting" to being back. it just sucks to feel like your experiences are best kept underwraps. i'm anxious to see how everyone else reacts to being away, in the home friend clan that is, although they will still have no concept to know what it's like to be the only one out of state.

i miss the activities in DC. the museums, the constant stimulation my mind was offered... being here- not so much. all i could think about on the way back was how i'd get to leave again soon, and i feel bad about that. there is a difference though, between feeling bad and feeling sorry.

this just in- that colored mousse jazz which is supposed to dye your hair for 8-10 washes- it's not that impressive. does it tint? yes. but there's not much more than that.

here's a quiz, cuz yeah, it's time to be bored alright:

Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

i asked cat last night if she's ever felt like no one around her was on the same page. not because of awkwardness or anything like that, but just genuinely feeling that you're at a place no one else is. she didn't seem to follow me.
welcome to my life.

don't blame me, it was mom

Your Birthdate: December 17

Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense. Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise. You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease. You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them. A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

what's that? trouble with expressing affection? bahhh humbug

home, home on the range...

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared.
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face

so long dc... so long :'(