if britney can do it, why can't i?

i feel like whoever had the grand ol' idea to put in a bid for low rise jeans to be all the rage must have been a woman in her early 20s. she was like 'hey guys, sooo i dig wearing jeans as much as the next gal, but uh, they're kinda grinding into me... if only i could roll them down...' and then click! the idea was born. her gay friend jai probably whipped them up or something, holding one arm across his chest, a finger to his lip before pointing at her with great enthusiasm while taking a deeply enthralled breath only to let out a simple although intensely compassionate, "yes."

something just sort of happens to the female body after high school. it's like a turkey whose spent a year too many on the farm and is overly aware of it. those old jeans fit, but dammit, not like they used to... and where the hell did these hips come from? there's no legitimate weight gain, but things are just different. i like to call it flub. 20 some females are flubbin' out allover the place. no, you're not suddently fat or unattractive (since our society loves to make the 2 synonymous concepts) it's just different than what we used to know. it's not the head cheerleader, but it's not the girl who "played" the triangle during band practice.

for me, my body's all 'sooo just so ya know, i was thinking about beefin' up a bit, ya know, addin' some jiggle power for the babies you are so gonna have RIGHT NOW RAHAHAHAHA! FIND A YOUNG STALLION AND SHOOT OUT BABIES- BABIES EVERYWHERERERERERE!!!' and i'm like bitch, pleaaase. and you too hormones, let.it.up. the operator of this baby shop is on indefinite leave. oh & she whimpers from time to time, but ya gotta lay it down or she'll never learn.

just like that.

and this, my dears, is why there is clearly a need for the low rise jean. take that, "jelly." mama's got a new pair of jeans and the only baby she be lovin' is her booty.

fuckin' snap.